My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
