people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
