the condom got lost in my hair
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
