everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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