i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want nice things and good sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
