Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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