two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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