How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
