3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
