I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
