I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
