You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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