I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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