I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
