I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
