I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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