It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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