I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
