I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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