SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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