He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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