Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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