dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
