Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
