i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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