So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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