you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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