You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
