I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
