me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We left the knife in your bed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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