It's like God shit irony all over that family
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
