porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my liver is dry heaving
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