I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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