so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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