he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How external is "for external use only"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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