what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
