How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
