i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
