The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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