the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
