my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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