They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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