Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
