I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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