in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
