He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
