just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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