Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
