i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
