There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
