Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
