you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
