I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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