so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
