oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
