so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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