i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
