I just saw a hot homeless man
In America we eat man semen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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