I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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