Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
