ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
