As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
