she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
