She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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