I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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