True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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