So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
