I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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