i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
