I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
