So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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