brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
nut hugger
Will you blow on my dice?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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