Moan for me like Helen Keller
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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