Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
