Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
