please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
