so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
