just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize