i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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