True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
