Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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