the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
