Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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