I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
