whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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