Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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